tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12275906.post5768347338092901717..comments2023-06-07T04:44:25.078-07:00Comments on Josh's Olde Blogge: Insight: How to undo a lifetime of training in verbal harm.joshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09140949936435640406noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12275906.post-75038982542382819992008-04-15T15:18:00.000-07:002008-04-15T15:18:00.000-07:00PS I like yer dog. Aussies are the best!PS I like yer dog. Aussies are the best!Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04048372891099714994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12275906.post-69977266331331773892008-04-15T15:15:00.000-07:002008-04-15T15:15:00.000-07:00Nope. It was just convenient phrasing. Everything ...Nope. It was just convenient phrasing. Everything you put out there is forever somewhere. But people are less likely to populate the space in their head for you with kind words than with unpleasant ones. Someone who has been nice to you is remembered differently than someone who was mean. I have lots of friends who are nice to me and in my head they are a warm rosy place, but the people who have been truly cruel and said things that went too far... Those places are always haunted by the echo of those words. After someone vocalizes something that wounds you that deeply, you may forgive and move on, but you can never forget that they are capable of inflicting that sort of pain, and it colors your interactions with them.<BR/><BR/> It is a sad statement on the world, but a cruel word will always be remembered longer than a kind one. So when I say "Something you can't take back," what I really mean is something you wish you could.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04048372891099714994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12275906.post-40497001265043280112008-04-14T22:25:00.000-07:002008-04-14T22:25:00.000-07:00Thanks for the comment, Alexandra! There's some go...Thanks for the comment, Alexandra! There's some good stuff in there; but I wonder, is there any word that we can truly take back?joshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09140949936435640406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12275906.post-38778447490461567802008-04-14T20:53:00.000-07:002008-04-14T20:53:00.000-07:00There is some truth in the old adage, "If you can'...There is some truth in the old adage, "If you can't say something nice..." Words are real. When you say something or write something or even think something with words, you are making it real. You are giving it substance. If I tell you that Bob hits his wife, I have defined reality, because now, no matter what you KNOW is true, those words are tickling the back of your mind every time you see Bob. I have created a reality where Bob beats his wife. Words are powerful and dangerous because people don't consider them to be so. People use words without thought behind them and change the world. We use words to judge one another and make ourselves better than we are. We use words to make wrong things right. With enough words you can excuse nearly anything. <BR/>But conversely, words keep us prisoner inside ourselves. We can only communicate to the extent which language gives us and because of this we can't always make important connections with those around us. We place labels on ourselves and others which define us and prevent deeper understanding of one another. You may imagine that you have had a deep insight into another person, which, if you could move past layers of words between you, turns out to be yesterday's news. Just because your experiences and perceptions and intuitions tell you something, doesn't mean that it is true, but the words that live in your head only let you see one point of view. <BR/>Because I have some understanding of the power of words on the world around me, I try to live by a few simple rules;<BR/>1. Never offer unsolicited advice. If someone is ready to hear your insights, they will let you know.<BR/>2. Always preface advice with a qualifier. "This is only how things look from my POV, but..." "This is what I think.." No matter how smart you think you are, you still may be wrong.<BR/>3. Scan your words before you say/write them. Is what you are saying what you really MEAN? How would you feel if someone said the same thing to you? Could you phrase that a little better? Defensiveness is the enemy of communication and offensiveness breeds defensiveness.<BR/>4. And the last and most important rule; NEVER EVER EVER say something that you can't take back. That nasty little thing about my personal life that you had to "get off your chest"? For the rest of your life I will never look at you the same because every time I see you, those words will be crowding the space in my head that is put aside for you. There are few "harsh truths" that ever do the listener any good, and it only takes a few poorly chosen words to wound someone forever. Oh, and in case you were wondering, all of this was just how I see things, and I could very well be mistaken.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04048372891099714994noreply@blogger.com